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[31 Dec 2003|02:07pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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music |
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the whistle of crystal |
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1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
Left.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Didn't have any and wont make any.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.
5. What countries did you visit?
America.
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
Stability.
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The perfect one.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the
Starting a band
9. What was your biggest failure?
Letting myself be bland.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Kidney Stones. (not a drug overdose or alcohol poisoning)
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A Fender Bassman.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Shannons.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The other half.
14. Where did most of your money go?
The road trip and the band.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Doesn't matter, it ended up being a dissapointment.
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
"A Line Allows Progress, a Cicle Does Not"
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
Same.
ii. thinner or fatter?
Same.
iii. richer or poorer?
Poorer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Anything that made me feel i was living.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Things that didnt matter.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Drinking.
21. What character from a movie/tv show/book did you most relate to this year?
A.J. Albany.
22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
Yeah, but it scared me.
23. How many one-night stands?
Zero.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Family Guy.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope.
26. What was the best book you read?
Low Down
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Saturday Looks Good To Me.
28. What did you want and get?
A legal drinking age.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Lost in Translation.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Got really drunk, 21.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Something to make everything worth while.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Womanly.
34. What kept you sane?
Jack Daniels.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Elliott Smith.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Does it matter.
37. Who did you miss?
Shannon, Todd, JoJo, Mike, and Ed
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Eve and Mike
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
It's all the same unless you make it different, or if it scares you, its probably good.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"so this is the new year.
and i don't feel any different."
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[31 May 2003|07:32pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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music |
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Cursive |
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And it was the way her black hair fell across her pale face. It was the colour of her eyes that i cant quite remember, but i'll never fucking forget...
It was that her heart was still red.
...the way she looked inside me and might have thought that wilting roses can be prettier than living...
i find myself back here and would rather be alone.
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[19 Apr 2003|12:53am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Modest Mouse |
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Fuck life. It depends to much on hope, and hope is just a dream, and dreams are meant to be woken up from. It's fine that you can forget, but i can't. i get to dwell on three am infomercials, as you get the life i wish for. And all the while my ears hear truth, while your mouth speaks lies.
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[16 Mar 2003|05:14pm] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
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music |
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Rilo Kiley - "The Good That Won't Come Out" |
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Fuck, my brain is a fucking mess again. i just want to pick one day and live it forever. Fun thoughts and dumb actions. Ah, i feel great.
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[11 Mar 2003|11:17am] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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music |
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Braid - "Grace Car, Pt. 1" |
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She walked through my mind all day, on yellow daisies and black weeds.
Yellow?
Roses.
Distance?
Walked.
Forever with me and words away. It might be harder to walk through them than to her. It will be harder to walk through nothing alone, but she'll always have the field of my heart, to walk all over.
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[08 Mar 2003|12:07pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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Cursive - "The Recluse" |
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Once upon a time, i was too fucked up. You were perfect, i was broken. i could have been perfect, if you helped me. Then, a pinprick was a writing pen. Three steps forward and i wanted to hear the door. It never opened so i let it close. i gave up after climbing that cliff with the reward of a shove more times than i'd like to recall. i only wanted everything, i should have asked for more. Because once upon a time, we were too fucked up.
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[05 Mar 2003|07:40pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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Promise Ring - "A Picture Postcard" |
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Being with her is like being alone, without ever feeling lonely.
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| This sound's so bad. |
[02 Mar 2003|04:48am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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Appleseed Cast |
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It would have been beautiful, if your shirt ended red. It could have been perfect, if knowledge knew. It might have been hard to lose. i should never be hard to lose. That piece of trash when they were five. That keepsake for three. Years later would have been a waste. One i was willing to save. You were heaven for. Ever hell. i'm sorry, i knew.
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[26 Feb 2003|09:34am] |
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mood |
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scared |
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music |
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rain? |
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Another night scared of myself. Again she danced in my mind like we did in a time without eye's. Lost in the light that i took as my life, and it crept in from bruises to bright again. Another breakfast of death and caffeine, another drunk afternoon. Again i'll be dreaming of sleep, instead of sleeping to dream. To dream? A dream? And they'll stop talking, and i'll stop shaking. i'll look in her eye's as she stares through my words. Then maybe the stains will really be gone. Maybe i'll really wake up.
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[24 Feb 2003|12:13pm] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
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music |
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The Anniversary |
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Everything's okay sweetheart, i'll kiss you slowly all night. Eventually i'll get the courage to pick up the pen and carve out the beautiful line's. i could colour all night with you. We'll pay for you to tell us everything i already know. The worst was yet to come, they already gave up on me. Like something that can't get started. No, we already started it, but now it's going to be so hard to finish. Mile's between and word's apart. Pressing wont be enough for too long. My hand wanders aimlessly between liquor and blood, but know's they'll eventually meet in the middle.
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| Found this in my wallet |
[21 Feb 2003|12:25pm] |
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mood |
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 determined |
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music |
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the computers hum |
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All i had to do was breathe in deep to see myself so small. i want to be so small that you can see every part move inside of me, except for my thought's, unless your her. i want my skin so tight i can trace every vein like a map to my heart. i want to be so small, six feet down, and forever away.
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[08 Feb 2003|03:47am] |
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...and die, and die, and die. i am so, so fucking sorry. i should be so happy right now. In another world i would be. In this world i should be. This is about you, but everyone deserves so much better. You deserve better. i tried to keep myself from this, from degrading you. i tried to open up my side to prerequisite my wrist, then i would have slept somewhere totally foreign. The ground if i was lucky, no; a fucking furnace. To you again; it was fucking perfect, it was me that wasn't.
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[07 Feb 2003|12:31am] |
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mood |
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Fuck Off |
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music |
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Myself |
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Tonight i formed a relationship stronger than any before. Not because it understood, because it knew. i have now decided that the only thing i can try to do is fail. Fuck, i've already succeded at that, but now it's my goal. All that i want is to be nothing. i want to be nothing, unimportant. From now on, that's all i will strve for. He's like a father figure, but on the same level. He really know's, he's been there.
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[06 Feb 2003|01:26am] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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Appleseed Cast - "Marigold and Patchwork" |
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Each day i slip deeper into diseases i never believed in. i am young so i'm not supposed to believe in death, i just dream about it. i look into the horizon and see Dorthy's ruby red slipper's, except they're standing on a road of diamond's. "There's no place like home." Where's my home. Will i find it before i sleep forever?
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| i wrote this earlier and forgot the paper so i'll try to remember everything i felt then. |
[05 Feb 2003|11:52pm] |
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mood |
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hopeless |
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music |
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who the fuck cares |
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Trace a thin line with something you tried to forget, or hide. It will open up wide enough to color more tissue than anyone should know. "What colour?" Black, that's what made it. "Made it?" Made it red. "You mean..?" Yes. Bulimia is just a crutch for people who have no conviction. Random. And this is just an excuse to tell you without you knowing, a mask, an unsigned letter in a font foreign to my hand. i woke up five times in the same room in a dream that turned into a nightmare every time i thought i had opened my eye's. They condemn me for following their footsteps, but mostly his. They think i was blind until i was six. They thought if the light was out and my eye's were closed then i was asleep. It gave them the chance to speak loudly, and truly. "I never yell, i just speak loudly." And i was supposed to be sleeping, they really thought i was sleeping. And now i'm scared because he taught me to trust something that could make me brave enough to be a coward. i find hope in someone i made up, or maybe i know her.She fit's the part. She held my hand as i fell asleep in a haze after i had cried my eye's out because i realized that there was something wrong. She cried with me. She cried for me. i told her things that no one should know. i told her that, and i can't let her know this.
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[04 Feb 2003|10:58pm] |
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She's the type of girl who could never be ugly, that's why i could love her forever. The worst part is that she's real, just not attainable. She doesn't just listen to me, she hears me. She doesn't just want to know, she understands.
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[03 Feb 2003|08:48pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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Done |
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Tilt it back, then it's gone. i know when i like myself. i know. It seem's like i just can't get it right, i can't find it. If i did would i know it? Do i even know what i want? i do, i know it, and i might have found it. But...
She wrote those word's so vaguely. i waited till i was the farthest away to let it unfold, and then i didn't even know if it meant how it read to me. i never know. Maybe, no, never...
i know exactley what i should do, exactley how to be happy. No one would like it though, and now it sound's like something i wrote before, but it's not.
She always know's what to say.
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[31 Jan 2003|11:53pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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music |
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Rainer Maria |
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It work's as long as i don't think. It's worked as long as i pretend. "How are you feeling? How are you feeling?" You're just making me remember everything i left to forget. And it's so fucking frusterating to know that it will never go away...
Unless i am actually getting closer to giving up. i'm gonna have to choose one to let go. Wich would be worse? i don't know yet. Everynight my vision go's blurry, but i never taste salt. It help's sometime's. It keeps me from thing's i tried not to tell. Anyone who heard, i love you so much. Especially you.
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[08 Jan 2003|06:10pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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The Get Up Kids - "The Breathing Method" |
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And she's not even attractive. She's the most attractive girl i've ever talked to, or been with. But it never happened. i'm never sad, i just painted the mirror with a time in my life. She washed it away it was like a mistake not to be remembered, but i shouldn't forget it. So now i have to make a swipe of my pen like that of something that's hidden. i don't know how long it can be.
Thank you so much Catherine.
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[08 Jan 2003|06:02pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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The Get Up Kids - "The Breathing Method" |
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And she's not even attractive. She's the most attractive girl i've ever talked to, or been with. But it never happened. i'm never sad, i just painted the mirror with a time in my life. She washed it away it was a mistake not to be remembered, but i shouldn't forget it. So now i have to make a swipe of my pen like that of something that's hidden. i don't know how long it can be.
Thank you so much Catherine.
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